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Back to School Tips for Parents

Updated August 2021

We know that many parents are experiencing unprecedented stress and are worried about their kids’ mental wellness and the start of the school year. Understanding that parents’ stress can also contribute to children’s stress, it is critical that we support parents as families prepare for the transition back to school.

After the year we have all had, it makes sense that a lot of us are feeling uncertain about the upcoming school year.

We’ve been hearing from a lot of parents in recent weeks. They’ve been telling us that they’re looking for some added support in dealing with the challenges of going back to school in a pandemic – again. They’re wondering what they can do to make a tough situation a little easier for themselves and their kids. They’re looking for strategies for working through their own feelings of anxiety so that they can be a source of support and reassurance to their kids.

That’s why we wrote this article: to suggest some strategies for making a strange and uncertain situation feel a little less overwhelming for you and your kids.

Strategies for managing your own anxiety about back-to-school season

Looking for a way to make a difference for your kids as they work through their worries about heading back to school? Start by calming yourself. Working through your own feelings of anxiety will make it easier for you to support and reassure your child. Here are some strategies that other parents have found helpful for getting to that place of calm.

Accept the fact that things are likely to be uncertain for a while. The COVID-19 situation is constantly changing, which means we are being required to shift our expectations on an ongoing basis. This requires flexible thinking and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty—because none of us has all the answers right now.

Acknowledge whatever it is you’re feeling as opposed to trying to deny or bury that emotion. As much as you might be tempted to bury or run from uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, it’s much less emotionally and cognitively draining to simply accept and acknowledge that emotion head on. You’ll find it easier to do this if you remind yourself that feelings come and go, like clouds moving across the sky. Sure, you’re feeling anxious right now, but this emotion won’t stick around forever. It just feels that way right now.

Look for opportunities to meet your own needs as opposed to just endlessly giving to other people. Parents have been shouldering a massive load through the pandemic. That’s why it’s more important than ever to take the best possible care of yourself. Self-care doesn’t have to be a huge or complicated thing: it can be as simple as taking a few minutes to engage in an activity that you enjoy or to connect with someone who understands and cares about you; or it might mean ensuring that your body is getting what it needs to function at its best: nourishing food, adequate sleep, and opportunities for movement. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation!

    “I am very apprehensive about my son going back to school. Due to all of our past experiences, it’s hard for me not to assume that things will go wrong and that we’ll end up back in a bad place with our son. I have to look at the positive though and remind myself that my son has matured a lot over the past couple of years. The past is the past. We are allowing ourselves to look forward to the future.”

    - Parent of a teenager with mental illness

    TIP:

    Feel like you and your child would benefit from some added support right now? You’re certainly in good company. Located in communities across Ontario, our chapters are made up of parents and caregivers on their own journey of supporting their child with mental health needs. Find your local chapter here.

    “I worry about being judged by friends/family/others because we are sending our son to school full-time. Many only think about physical health and don’t consider the fact that our son has a chronic mental illness and that staying home is worse for him than the moderate risk of him contracting COVID-19.”

    - Parent of a teenager with mental illness

    Strategies for supporting and reassuring your child

    Looking for ways to meet the needs of a child who is trying to cope with feelings of anxiety about heading back to school? Here are a few tips.

    Accept and validate your child’s emotions. Let your child know that their feelings make sense (“Everyone is feeling a bit anxious and uncertain right now. It makes sense that you would be feeling that way, too”) and make sure your child understands that there’s no such thing as a “bad” or “wrong” emotion. It’s okay to be feeling whatever it is they’re feeling.

    Look for opportunities to address your child’s specific worries and concerns in an age-appropriate way. This might mean helping them to find answer to their biggest questions or role-playing particular scenarios that are causing them undue stress. You might also want to encourage them to zero in on coping strategies that have worked well for them in the past. They might want to work those strategies again.

    Remind your child that they can turn to other people for support, both at home and at school. They don’t have to handle this on their own. If your child has some special needs (perhaps an underlying mental health issue or behavioral challenge), ask your child’s school what strategies they recommend for easing your child’s transition back to school. Maybe it might make sense for your child to start school before or after their peers—or to initially attend school for just a couple of hours at a time.

    Recognize the opportunity you are being given in this moment. The literature on resilience is clear: children are capable of weathering even the stormiest of storms if they can rely on the love and support of at least one caring adult. You have the opportunity to be that person—an emotional anchor in an otherwise stormy sea.

    “We are working hard as a family to prepare our son mentally for going back to school. We are trying to normalize it and point out the positive aspects, while acknowledging that it will be hard for our son to go back to school after such a long break. This is a unique situation that none of us have been in before, so it’s important for all of us, as a family, to remain open and to continue to talk about the challenges and validate them.”

    - Parent of a teenager with mental illness

    Back To School Mental Health Kit

    While back-to-school is hard for most children and youth in a normal year, this year our kids and their families are facing extraordinary circumstances relating to the pandemic and infection control measures. To help, Children’s Mental Health Ontario has prepared a Back-to-School Tool Mental Health Kit with resources and tips. 

    You Don’t Have to Do This Alone.

    If you are a parent/caregiver worried about your child, or a young person looking for help yourself – please reach out. Our network of child and youth mental health centres has 4,000 professionals ready to help children, youth and families with free counselling and treatment. We provide care in person, on the phone and virtually. No problem is too big or small.

    Find your closest child and youth mental health centre.